11/12/2007 3:31:00 PM The advantages of dining at home
A Let’s Talk Tin containing a stash of thought-provoking questions. PHOTO: Sharon Jackson
Eat, Talk, Connect
Eat, Talk, Connect kicked off on Monday, Nov. 12. It challenges families to eat three meals together each week and to have candid conversations at those times. This year, Tonka CARES will send a Let's Talk Tin home with every Minnetonka fourth and fifth grader to encourage parents to start conversations with their students before they reach the critical teenage years. Families who do not have children in those grades and want a Let's Talk Tin can get one free by visiting the Tonka CARES Web site: www.tonkacares.org.
To learn more about The Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse and its report called "The Importance of Family Dinners", visit www.casacolumbia.org.
When was the last time you sat down to dine with your family?
Not eat with your family. Dine.
What's the difference? A lot, according to Linda Dickey, a Minnetonka mother of three and co-vice president of the Minnewashta Parent Teacher Association. Dickey's family participated in last year's Eat, Talk, Connect initiative, and will do so again this fall.
"We're like every typical Minnetonka family," said Dickey. "We rush. Sometimes the kids eat in shifts so that everyone can make it to their activities."
Yet even though the list of meetings, lessons and practices runs long, Dickey said she also knows that quality family time is important. That's why she and her husband Kirk purposefully carve out time for family dinners.
"I think most families in this area understand it's a good thing to eat together as a family. And I think most of them do have meals together," Dickey said. "But parents need to get passed the typical questions they ask their kids like, 'Who did you play with at recess?' and 'What did you eat for lunch?'"
"I'm guilty of it, too. I get focused on the immediate, on how much homework the kids have left to do, and the rush-rush of the day contaminates our dinners. We might be eating together, but we're not dining," she said.
For Dickey, the difference lies in the type of conversations her family is having around the table and the personal connections that are being forged.
"It's important to have real conversations with our kids," she said, "to connect with our children at a deeper level."
Imogen Davis agrees. Davis coordinates Tonka CARES, a community-wide group working to reduce substance abuse in area youth.
The organization functions with support from the Minnetonka School District. Eat, Talk, Connect is one of its initiatives.
"Family meals," Davis said, "really are a means to an end. The end is that we need to take time to connect with our kids."
The Eat, Talk, Connect initiative does not focus on balanced nutrition or proper manners.
Kids - and their parents - are already bombarded with plenty of messages about etiquette and healthy foods, Davis said.
Instead, the purpose behind Eat, Talk, Connect is to remind parents that strong parent-child communication can ward off drug abuse, eating disorders, poor academic performance and a host of other concerns.
The Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at New York's Columbia University conducted a nationwide survey with teens about their lifestyles. The findings drew several correlations between the number of meals students eat with their families and the likelihood to engage in risky behaviors. The findings were published in a document called "The Importance of Family Dinners."
According to CASA, teens who eat with their families five or more times a week are more likely to report grades of As and Bs than teens who eat fewer than three meals a week with their families.
CASA studies also reveal that 12 and 13 year olds who have infrequent family dinners are six times likelier to have used marijuana; more than four and a half times likelier to have used tobacco; and more than two and a half times likelier to have used alcohol.
Because Tonka CARES works to lower substance abuse among area youth, it took an interest in CASA's studies and began seeking ways to promote family meals as a method to help parents help their children.
"Last year was the first year that Tonka CARES took up the Eat, Talk, Connect initiative," Davis said, noting that the idea, logo and branding were borrowed from a similar program in Carver County. "The concept was to challenge families to eat three meals together a week for three months."
The goal of three meals was chosen because, explained Davis, after reading through the CASA studies, three meals seemed to be the threshold for positively impacting a child's behavior.
"It really was a public awareness campaign," Davis said. "We were trying to give parents a really tangible, straightforward idea they could use to prevent drug and alcohol abuse."
Last year, to help spread the word to more families, Tonka CARES combined its efforts with the Hopkins School District. "About a thousand families registered on our Web site that they were participating," Davis said. "Of course, we think that was an underestimate because you didn't have to register to participate in the challenge."
"About half of the families last year reported back that they increased the frequency of their meals," said Davis, attributing the positive feedback on the fact that the challenge is simple and positive. "Our core message is that we all need to take the time to talk," she said.
Because last year's Eat, Talk, Connect initiative stressed a three-month commitment to the challenge, this year's drive is demanding less time, only one week. "We feel that last year we really pushed this hard," Davis said. "This year we just want to remind parents to focus on what they already know is important."
To help Minnetonka parents focus and to simplify the connecting process, Tonka CARES is distributing free conversation starters to all fourth and fifth grade students.
The conversation starters come in quart-sized paint cans called the Let's Talk Tin. Inside, hundreds of thought-provoking questions are just waiting to be pulled, asked and talked about.
Linda Dickey's family got one of the Let's Talk Tins last year. She is glad the tins are making a comeback and that they will be distributed more widely this year. When her family sits down to dinner, they take turns choosing a question and giving their answers.
"The questions are fun," Dickey said. "They ask things like, 'What is it like to be the oldest child?,' 'What was your favorite family vacation?,' 'Do you know kids who get teased?'"
"Sometimes we get through three or four questions in a meal. Sometimes we only get through one. The kids think it's like a fun board game we play at dinner. They ask if they can get out the tin," she said.
Even though the Dickeys have been using their tin for about a year, it's yet to run out of fresh question strips. When it does, Dickey said, she'll probably go online and print off some conversation starters or buy a book of questions to continue the fun.
This year, Dickey's children are in the sixth, fourth and first grades.
"We're planning to use the tin until the kids don't find it fun and interesting anymore, and by that time we hope to have established a history of conversation," she said.
"I really do think our kids like learning about us as much as we like learning about them," Dickey said. "Once everyone starts talking, you find out you've made assumptions about one another and you were wrong."
